My breastfeeding relationship with my children has long ended, but when I see a Breastfeeding Carnival I still feel the need to contribute. Breastfeeding was near and dear to my heart.

I was breastfed as a child. My sister and I both were. I remember my mom saying that the “norm” at that time was Bottle Feeding. It was all the rage, and if you could afford to do it you needed to. Her impression was that the people who couldn’t afford to formula feed had no choice but to breastfeed, but despite the bad stigma at the time she decided to breastfeed. I’m not really sure what her reasons were. Herself and her twin sister weren’t breastfed. They were preemies and required a hospital stay that separated them from their mother.

I asked my mom if she would be interested in typing out her thoughts on breastfeeding. Here’s what she wrote:

I had Heather in 1978 and back then it was more popular to do formula feeding over breastfeeding.   was a stay-at-home mom and the formula was so expensive that my husband at the time and I decided that I should try. The hospital made you stay in until your milk came in, and for me it was four days.  I loved it and the bonding that I had with Heather. Whenever I nursed I would go in the bedroom or another room, I kept it private, I never breastfed in front of anyone except when it was our immediate family only.  There was one time I got a breast infection and the antibiotic they gave me, doctor’s warned, would turn Heather’s teeth yellow for life! So I pumped and gave her formula until the infection had passed. She hated it! It was the worst seven days of my life! Heather stopped one day at 10 months old, she may have been ready but I wasn’t. I also breastfed my second daughter for 11 months, she quit on her own as well. I still feel that this was one of the best decisions I every made for my children and me.

She told me that she was well aware that breastfeeding was better than formula feeding. She knew there were many benefits for her and the baby, maybe not specifics, but enough to know that breast is best. I don’t think many women were breastfeeding in those days and if they were many did it very discreetly or even in secret. So it’s unknown to me what the average age was to breastfeed until.

All I knew from an early age was that we were breastfed. It seemed normal to be from as early as I can remember. I never even thought for a second that I would formula feed, and I didn’t. I’m proud to say that I was breastfed and my children were all breastfed. I hope that my decision to breastfed causes my sons to become advocates for their future children and that they are able to encourage and influence their future wives to make the same amazing decision. It will always be worth the effort.

Here’s the blog carnival in pictures

This week has been a difficult week for breastfeeding Cutler. He’s 14 months now and I have no desire to wean him, although will our recent difficulties I would be lying if I said I haven’t considered it. I have. Teeth hurt.

My troubles began this past Sunday. Cutler and I co sleep, so I nurse him laying down. When he falls asleep one of two things can happen. Either he “passes out” and his mouth opens up wide allowing me to slip out, or he clamps down. The latter is what seems to be happening lately. He falls asleep, clamps down and I let out an instinctive yell “OW!”. That startles him and causes him to actually bite down pretty hard. I see this pattern happen and yet I’m helpless to stop it. When I try and pull out before he’s “passed out” he starts sucking vigorously again and we start all over again.

A few minutes after the bite I try to pull out again. Most of the time I’m successful, but not without a bit of damage. I’ve noticed little teeth marks on the top side of my breasts, just where I expected to see them. By Monday and Tuesday I was experiencing quite a bit of pain. Especially when he pulls back as he nurses. Hurts like hell! Felt like my skin was tearing. Upon further inspection, I was right. I have small slit-like tears at the base of my nipples. The right side is worse than the left. Can’t really explain that one. The mind boggler is that they are on the underside of my breasts. Which really doesn’t make sense, because when he nurses his tongue is thrust forward and covers his bottom teeth. At least, that’s what should be happening. I don’t know.

So anyways. I have open wounds that hurt crazy bad when he nurses. I’m talking toe curling, brings tears to your eyes pain. Then, I noticed a white spot on his bottom lip. Hmmm. My first thought was thrush. I checked in his mouth and didn’t see any signs. Only on the inner bit of his bottom lip. The spot changed too. At first it was big, then got smaller. Next to it was a red spot that almost looked like a blood blister, but a few hours later they both disappeared. Strange. I know thrush isn’t supposed to disappear that quickly, especially without treatment. So I call his doctor and she calls in some thrush medicine just to be on the safe side until I can get him in for an appointment. My doctor can’t see me until Thursday, 2 days from where we are in this story.

My lactation consultant advises me to pump off the side that is too painful to nurse on. That way I don’t lose my supple. She was right that it did hurt, but not nearly as much as nursing. I was able to nurse him off my left side then pump the right side and get 2 oz. The next time I pumped I got 2.5 oz. That made me feel better. I was terrified of losing my supply on my right side completely! He’s currently drinking it out of a sippy cup and nursing off the left side only, for now.

Tonight while I was taking a bath with Cutler he leaned over and wanted to nurse. Yelling out his “UH UH” sound, which translates “WANT NINNY”. We often nurse in the tub, I didn’t so much with my other two boys. I thought it was something that shouldn’t be done. Don’t really know why I thought that, just did. Now I realize what’s normal and acceptable is what works for me. I don’t have a problem with it, so why not let him. You know what I discovered? Nursing in the tub forces him to sit up. This means that the position of his teeth was different, and nursing didn’t hurt so much this time. His teeth didn’t dig in to the existing cuts that he created. Talk about a huge sigh of relief. Phew!

Now imagine that being your nipple. No, don’t. It’s not fair to do that to all of you. No joke, it hurts. So…where was I going with all of this? I know I had a point, oh yeah. The result from all this biting.

Well, let’s just say that I have cracks where cracks shouldn’t be. So one more day until my appointment and I need some relief! The Lanolin I’m using is nice, but it’s like keeping a cut wet, feels better, but it’s not healing. I asked around on twitter and some of the great ladies that meet up for #bfcafe suggested I try some Gentian Violet. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a deep violet liquid that you paint on your nipples. It’s anti-infective for treating minor cuts, scrapes and fungus infections, and thrush is a yeast infection. So I purchased some at a local pharmacy and hurry home to check it out. I dip in a q-tip and start painting it on. I thought it would absorb into my skin quickly, but it kinda lingers around the surface. Cutler wants to nurse before it has a chance to really soak in and I’m shocked by what I see! His mouth, tongue, lips and part of his chin are BRIGHT PURPLE! I mean, it looks like the boy got a hold of the inside part of a marker. Crazy purple. Here’s what my breast pads looked like.

That was after a brief moment of wearing them after putting the Gentian Violet on. They were covered after I had worn them for a while. This stuff doesn’t come out at all! I was able to get the purple off of Cutler’s chin with a bit of hand sanitizer.

Finally the day arrives when I see my doctor. I was convinced that it was thrush, but now the small white and red spots on Cutler’s lip have completely disappeared. I get examined, then he moves on to Cutler. Who is not his patient, but I’m grateful that he checks him out so we can be sure of the diagnosis. Then it comes, it’s not thrush. WHAT?!? So what’s wrong with me? Why are my nipples peeling and cracked? Why is weaning on the horizon when I dearly want it to be in the distance?

Staph Infection.

Apparently it’s more common than I had thought. I was surprised, but relieved to know that there is an end in sight to my pain. I found this great article that talks all about thrush and infections. It was very helpful. So I trek on on the road to recovery. Me and my purple nipples.

 Here is how a day looks like in my life, nursing an 11 month old.

• 6:30 am – Alarm goes off and Cutty rouses and latches on. (we co-sleep) I hit snooze.

• 6:40 am – Alarm goes off again. He’s still sleep-nursing. I reach over and grab my iPod. I check my email and facebook before I get up for the day.

• 7:00 – get up and get everyone ready and out the door for work.

• 8:15 am – arrive at work.

• 9:50 am – He’s fussing and pulling on my shirt. (Clearly he wants to nurse, but I don’t nurse him while at work. It’s been that way since he was an infant. He takes a bottle at work.) I’m able to distract him with some snacks for now.

• 10:05 am – I fix him a bottle. He took 1/2 ounce, he’s never really liked a bottle. I use Dr. Brown’s.

• 10:30 am – He took another ounce from his bottle.

• 11:30 am – Home from work and time to nurse. I nursed him for 5 minutes while I checked my messages again from my iPod. He fell asleep for a much needed nap.

• 1:15 pm – Cutty is waking up from his nap. I nurse him for 15 minutes and then he decides he’s ready to get up and play.

• 3:12 pm – after running some errands, we’re back home. He wants to nurse. I only nurse for 2 minutes and he’s over it.

• 4:30 pm – Nursing again. Only 8 minutes. He saw me adjust my breast pad and he gave me his little “I’m hungry” giggle that he does when he wants to nurse.

• 4:54 pm – Nursed fussy baby again for about 1 min. He’s too busy looking around to get serious.

• 5:09 pm – He’s still fussing. I’m thinking he’s bored and just wanted to cuddle mom. So we nursed for a few minutes, then he’s back to playing.

• 6:57 pm – Nursing again. He’s tired and crabby. I think he’s ready for bed. Only one nap a day is rough! He fell asleep and I got up to do some laundry.

• 7:45 pm – He woke up. He’s sleep nursing. While I wait for him to unlatch I’m catching up on some DVR shows and tweeting. He nursed for 15 minutes then unlatched. He doesn’t seem to be sleeping soundly enough to get up yet.

• 8:05 pm – he latched back on. Still sleep nursing. Off by 8:08 pm.

• 9:23 pm – He woke up again! He must not be feeling well. Usually I get at minimum, 2 hours of straight sleep from him before he wants one last feeding. Not tonight! Nursed til 9:38 then I got up.

• 9:46 pm – Nursing again. I must have gotten up before he was in a deep sleep. Nursed for 5 minutes.

• 10:32 pm – Nursing again. He seems like he’s not feeling well. This cry was different. Didn’t sound like hunger. He may be teething. He woke up at 10:40 wanting to play. I guess that wasn’t bedtime, must have been his version of an “afternoon” nap.

• 11:47 pm – After playing with daddy (while I took a much needed shower) he’s ready for bed again. Nursing him to sleep.

• 12:12 pm – He’s unlatched for now while I watch DVR shows.

• 12:36 pm – He’s sleep nursing again. I’m too tired to get back up, so I’ll go to sleep too.

This started out as a typical day, then quickly changed to a nurse-a-thon! Before school got out he would take a 30 minute morning nap at work, then go down for a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. I think that’s why he nibble-nursed in the afternoon. He was missing his regular nap time because he had bumped it up a few hours by skipping his morning nap. Also, the evening isn’t usually like that. He’s usually pretty content, nurses to sleep, sleeps for a few hours 2-3 (while I do housework, email, blog, etc) then wants one more feeding before the long stretch of sleep. He must have something bothering him.

So if you are nursing an older child and wonder if they are nursing too much? I doubt it. Just compare it to this day! lol!

If you are nursing an infant and you wonder if you will be nursing as much when he/she is closer to a year? Maybe. Most days, I would say no, but you will have days when baby wants to be close to mom, and a bond was formed where baby experiences a great closeness when you breastfeed, so that may be baby’s choice of closeness. Some feeding aren’t for milk at all.

How does this compare to your experiences breastfeeding?

I’ve been meeting up on a regular basis now for the weekly breastfeeding twitter chat on Thursday’s nights at 9 pm for the last few weeks. If you’d like to join us just search for #bfcafe (breastfeeding cafe) and you’ll find us there chatting it up! I’ve learned a ton and I come to understand that there are “Booby Traps” all around us that cause us to fail. We may not have the support we need to succeed!

I’ve breastfed all 3 of my boys, so breastfeeding is near and dear to my heart. I feel that it allows me to form a close bond very early on with my babies. I know that bottle feeding mom’s probably feel that same bond with their new babies, but there is just something about knowing  that my breastmilk is sustaining the life of another human being! It had me in awe of my body.

I nursed my firstborn for 17 months. I wanted to quit at 12 months because that was when, I was told, I should stop. He wasn’t having it! We finally quit at 17 months mostly due to strong reactions when people would say to me “You’re still breastfeeding?” I felt very mixed feelings. On one hand I wanted my body back, I felt like I was nursing all the time! On the other hand I knew I would miss that closeness that brought us together for those tender moments 3-4 times a day. Weaning was horrendous! I ended up weaning in one week and that left me sad, engorged and feeling like I had failed my son in some way.

With my second son I was determined to have a better experience weaning. No such luck. Once again, due to much pressure, I set a stop date at 12 months of age. I hadn’t known anyone to nurse as long as I did to talk with. Maybe I just didn’t ask, maybe I assumed I was the odd one out. Both weaning experiences were terrible! They weren’t having it! I nursed my babies on demand, which meant that they nursed for naps, when they were sick, when they were bored, or just to pacify themselves. I didn’t mind though. It forced me to sit down and enjoy a tender quiet moment between mother and son. With both boys I weaned in one week. They weren’t down to 1-2 feedings a day, I’m sure due to my nursing on demand. I knew it would be rough. I planned both weanings to coincide with a holiday or break. That way I had my husband and mom available to put the baby down for nap and bedtime without mommy. It was rough. A TON of screaming and crying and then finally passing out from exhaustion. I hated it!

Well, not this time! Cutler is 9 1/2 months old and we are currently nursing on demand. He takes baby food much better than my first 2 and really enjoys water from a bottle and sippy cup. Camden and Cohen never took bottles! The hospital advised me not to introduce a bottle before 3 weeks to prevent nipple confusion, so I waited. BIG mistake! I had to quit my part-time job because Camden would scream for my husband for 4 hours straight! We had/tried every bottle out there with no success. Cutler has taken a bottle everyday since the hospital. I’m PRO breastfeeding but in the days it takes for your milk to come in he was hungry! I hated to see him cry like that. So every time it was time for a feed I nursed him first, then offered him a bottle if he was still showing signs of hunger. I see nothing wrong with this. I may get some negative feedback from this, but I’m OK with that. My son is primarily breastfed, I’d say 99% of the time. He does get a bottle offered to him every day with formula, mostly because I’m too busy (lazy) to pump. He has never taken more than 2-3 oz of formula, he doesn’t really like it but takes it if he has to. I was told by my doctor that I shouldn’t feel guilt over feeding him both formula and breast milk. We all know that breast is best, but in my opinion there are things in breast milk that aren’t in formula, and things in formula that are not in breast milk.

I’ve found a network of support that will allow me to have a better experience this time. I feel a great sense of camaraderie among my fellow breastfeeding twitter moms. I’ve also began attending local La Leche League meetings. I’m not going to fall for another “Booby Trap”. I will breastfeed as long as it makes sense to me and my son. I never planned on extended nursing (beyond one year). I still find it a little weird. I mean, if they’re old enough to ask for it maybe they don’t need it any more. I guess I’ll just cross that bridge when I come to it. He’s almost 10 months old now and I can’t imagine weaning in 2 months! He still seems like such a baby to me. He needs me!

So there you have it. My breastfeeding plan. It’s so nice to feel more confident in myself this time around. I will do what’s best for me and my baby. So let me know:

How long did you nurse?
Did you face negative comments and pressure to wean?
How did you handle it?

P.S. For all you bottle-feeding/Formula-feeding mom’s…I applaud you! Don’t ever feel bad about your choice. You make a decision just like the rest of us to do what’s best for you and your baby.  There are many reasons mom’s can’t or choose not to nurse, but if you didn’t nurse because you didn’t have the support system in place, then allow us to come together to change that.

I just read an article on Crunchy Domestic Goddess.com about breastfeeding and I had to share it with you!!!

Breastfeeding is near and dear to my heart, I have nursed both my boys and I plan on nursing our 3rd child. The benefits FAR outweigh any reason to choose not to nurse. Please read the petition and sign.

At the bottom of the petition it gives you a space to add a comment. Please add the comment that “Breastfeeding in public places should be legal in ALL 50 states”, because as of now it is not. Each state is allowed to make their own laws concering breastfeeding. If you can give your baby a bottle in public you should be able to give your baby the breast. My babies didn’t take bottles, they never did. Should I not be allowed to feed my son in public when he’s hungry just because I breastfeed? How unfair! I was ALWAYS discreet! I don’t feel that I ever offended anyone, usually you can tell these things by unapproving eyes watching you. I never felt that harsh glare, but most would have never noticed that I was feeding my baby.

If you feel the same please head on over to the site and sign the petition.

Thank you Crunchy Domestic Goddess for sharing this article with us all!